My Story

About me

Who am I?

People just love to rant about themselves, don’t they? So this is my page and I’ll make it full (with me).

I am normal healthy guy (last checked) who is very very interested in the human behavior and relationship subject. I mean everyday I read, discuss with friends, listen, post, do something on that topic. It’s just my weak spot and I truly enjoy it!

Oh, and my name is obviously not Wes M, I just don’t want the search engines to fetch this site to it for other reasons. It’s Vetim Nilesev spelled backwards.

Few traits about me:

• I like seeing the big picture so I can figure how to tweak the details. You have to know how things are working and yet you don’t want to lose the whole idea.
• I want to know how things work, why they work this way, the whole concept behind the scenes. Before going to school I was already dissembling clocks to see how the arrows move (and failed to assemble them of course). Always wanted to check out all the features of a program before using it, always looking of all the info on the topic before investing time and money and so on.
• If something happens I dig it down to see the reasons, motivations, consequences of it. Why this thing happened? Could it be avoided? Can we learn from it?
• I am a ‘behind the scenes’ guy. If something that interests me is happening I want to be a part of it’s making. Can’t just stay there and wait until other people work on it. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t interfere in the doing of others. Yet I want to participate in the things I enjoy.
• I am a ‘seeking guy’. I won’t just stand there and wait someone to offer me something (although I did that early in my life), I’ll seek it out. You can see me very rarely just wandering somewhere.
• All that traits actually have a bad side. I am usually very interested in new stuff (that is common for everyone), then I figure it out and if it’s still valuable to me I will continue invest time on it. Thus often invested time to figure things out that had absolutely nothing to do with me, just for the sake of knowing how it works. Not to mention getting out of my head was (and still sometimes is) difficult for me from all that analyzing. More on this later…
• You can’t get me on shallow topics and small talk, I get bored pretty easily on that one. They have to be either emotional (positive) or deep. I’m hooked if they’re both.
• I am Virgo (which fits almost all the above).
• And I am happy you are here

How I got hooked up in that?

Several years ago I was very unfamiliar with the psychology topic of things. I just believed things are what they are. Some people are this and other people are that.  I thought the psychology science as a mambo-jumbo talk. Pretty limiting mindset.

Then I began noticing some things about certain people. I began reading their emotions and feelings although in very simple way. I began ‘translating’ some reactions of certain people to other people. And I was wondering why almost no one notices those details.

Then I found about psychology (but never learned about in university). My best friend was specializing in that topic and he brought great insights for me. He gave me books on the body language and let’s just say he unlocked me on this whole new area of my life.

Yet with everything new I learned I just realized how much I didn’t know. I knew why some things happened in the mind of the human but had no idea that could take the things in your own hands.

The moment of truth.

Few years ago I had very low moment in my motivation. I was questioning my future, my purpose. I literally didn’t know what to do. No, it was not some major event that did that in my life, it was just a moment of realization. Shortly I managed to get a hold of myself. And when I got over I felt I was taking hold of my life and controlling it.

Yet still it wasn’t complete feeling. It was just a hint of all that like knowing there was something else and not seeing it.

How I got hooked up on dating advice?

I sucked at attracting women. I mean I had no idea of almost everything in that topic. And of course I wound never admit that.

Few years before that major realization in my life, I changed my city because of my job just after I got my Masters degree. Everything was new and it put me few steps behind, I had to conquer new social circle yet again. Also I was living almost isolated in the end of that new city. Year and so later my job was keeping me with almost no contact with other people and due that lonely time (that ultimately lead to the realization) I was spending even my free time by myself (canceling invites, missing parties, avoiding social events and so on).

And before that I wasn’t getting ‘lucky’ often either. Few negative encounters, few times broken heart put me on the passive position. Sadly those built up one over each other.

As you know the mind is powerful weapon and it will do everything to protect it’s master. So my mind shielded me very well by defending my lifestyle (or the lack of it). My Ego would NEVER admit that I had a problem with the girls. It would blame them, blame the ‘smooth operators’, blame the society just to hide that the problem was altogether with me from the beginning and instead of finding a solution it was just hidden away.

I found a book about dating. Yet my Ego was screaming “You don’t need that crap!” my curiosity (and the beginning of being aware of a need) cracked a hole “Why not JUST get a look over that – of entertainment value”. The book made some sense, I tried some of the stuff (I friend of mine tried to hook me) but I blew it again. I was kind of disappointed yet didn’t give up.

Found another book that was coming with a newsletter (I was not aware that was usual online marketing model at that time) and decided to hold the purchase for a while. Well my friends that single newsletter changed my whole point of view! I tried some of the tips there and they worked like a charm! My mindset was changing! Women were responding a whole new level differently than before (I bet you heard/read and hopefully felt that thing over and over again).

I began to see a pattern in all this. Got really hooked up – not only the dating but the whole improving yourself concept. The ‘inner game’ they call it. The previous hint and feeling now fit in the puzzle. I was breaking the stereotype placed by the society. I was taking control of my life leading it the way I wanted, not how others wanted or expected me to. New waves of positivism and motivations flowed through me. I felt good and I felt it was only just the beginning.

I got a saying “Luck got you so far, now GET UP!”

Or said otherwise – you can learn everything you haven’t got ‘by talent’. Yes – I don’t believe in ‘gifts’ and ‘talents’ in their most spread form.

It may not happen naturally, it will be conscious process, but you can achieve it.

Where I am now?

(as the date of this page, Dec 09)

I am not all-smooth-guru-like PUA or sort.

I still got approaching anxiety issues and I am little nervous about the physical escalations (it’s almost like I have to learn it from scratch) yet I have improved by a LOT for very little time thanks to the knowledge of some folks. People around me notice the change.

I am also confident you and everyone else can improve. Not only in dating but in taking control of their life. And believe me, those are connected by a lot.