Falling in Love – this particular phenomena that happens all the time. While I’ll not focus on the technical details – here you can find more about it from various points of view.
http://health.howstuffworks.com/relationships/love/why-do-we-fall-in-love.htm
http://www.howtoarticlesabout.com/people-falling-in-love/
With this said I have to add something from me. Knowing it doesn’t make you resistant or immune.
I’ll share something a little more personal than usual. It happened three-four months ago where I happened to begin falling in … love. With the wrong person.
This is the exact moment where I got out of alignment. My emotions and my logic began separating themselves one from another. It’s really bizarre feeling. Not that it didn’t happen before. It was just now I was fully aware of it and yet somewhat powerless to it’s effects.
From one side logic was telling me – “Dude, you bot got completely different views of the near future, hook up deeply and you’re way off your plans” yet something else was telling “It doesn’t matter dude, just let yourself in!”. It’s like you’re losing sober thinking while…thinking.
As logical person this was completely changing my point of view (and reminded me past experiences). And I don’t like that. If I fall for the right person (according my views), this deviation might be a lot, lot smaller, thus won’t create this friction between logic and emotions.
Here comes the override mode – you want to do something very stupid (like calling few times a day, get wussy and clingy) and yet you hold yourself to it. It’s like opening a manual that is saying “If you want to do this, then DON’T!”. Masculinity down the drain.
Why the wrong person?
I gave you few hints. It’s someone that have rather different view of the world than myself. Mixing it would changed my point of view one way or another which ultimately may lead to me losing my passion. We all know this guy who was so cool and passionate about his things and then he fell for a girl. Later they begin living together and you couldn’t recognize the guy. His passions, his way of seeing the world, making an impact – all gone. He was turned into the average guy.
I don’t know about you but I don’t want that.
Having past experience and of course – knowledge I did the “saving” move. I cut my contacts with that person. It wasn’t that bad as I expected it to be. Slowly I regained my perspective back. “What was I thinking, duh!”.
This question however remains – Why did I fall in for someone that didn’t share my goals at all? Was it because of physical traits? Was it for the voice, the touch, the experiences? Something specific I didn’t had before? Who knows, maybe one day I’ll discover.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Basically it’s the old saying “don’t put all your eggs in one basket”. This is one that only recently I’ve had the luck and will to really understand and put into practice. As you say, it’s a matter of perspective. All the times I’ve done some mistake in the past it was nearly every time due to a bad point of view (or self-talk, belief, call it whatever you want).
Now that I have several “eggs” in my radar if I screw up with one of them it’s not such a big deal so I’m more confident and relaxed. No more mental mastrubation over “The One”, and I can really *see* who I have in front of me (the good and the bad parts) without being too anxious and needy. Big improvement for me.
Yeah, I can feel you brother. I’m basically in the same situation.
Maybe there are multiple reasons (for me), like the desire to express my feelings freely, to love and be loved, and finally the fear to remain alone and never be happy again and shit like that.
Probably it’s even a matter of being more or less “vulnerable”, I think no one can be completely rational and in control all the time.
My point of view is: I take it easy, relax and think about all the fantastic girls around me.
Funny thing, my solution to this is the same (if you can call it “solution” of course). Going out with other girls. It isn’t necessary to do something else, but just to – let us say – have another perspective. It helps a lot, gets my thoughts back in place.
Maybe there are other more efficient ways to think clear. Who knows…
Thanks for commenting!